I felt this way once upon a time, not supp to be cool kk?

She walks on the verge of death. But apparently that is not important at all. All else is, all they want, but not her life. Definitely not.
Every breath she takes is a longing desire for death. She keeps a knife under her pillow, just in case she can’t take it anymore sometime during the night. Or maybe, just to remind her that she has the power at least over one thing. But all of this does not matter, only work and money, that’s all.

So she took one step forward, her feet firm on the ground, she felt the cool metal under her strong grip. She pulled the trigger. They all lay dead. She feels no remorse, she feels nothing. They took it all, that’s the way they wanted it, and so their blood is on their own hands. She blinks, turns around and walks away. A ghost in the bright of the day. Carcasses left under the sun. Now they care, she thinks, maybe not. It doesn’t matter, nothing does. She’s already dead.

Silence

Ah! My love….
Do you hear the emptiness in the atmosphere?
Do you feel the absolute numbness of your senses?
There is a silence in the air, one that will not go away…

Ah…my love,
Who have we become now that death has come and prevailed?
Death…not to our flesh but to our soul, do you understand my love?
Our homes are empty and silence is here to stay….

My love, listen…
Will the soft air seeping through the cracks of our chamber sustain us?
Is the tinkling sound of diamonds of dust nothing but our maddened imagination?
It’s impossible, for in our worlds there is nothing but silence…

My love…
Everyone is gone now, have you become aware of this?
It’s you and I now, but, why are we alone?
Oh…I am so weary of this torturing silence…

Silence…
Why are we chained to the solitude of our empty homes?
What did we provoke for you to persecute us thus?
Ah! My love…my love…

Shh…

New begining

I’m standing in the middle of the field,it’s dark, there’s no moon. I turn my head up. My eyes are closed so I open them. The stars in the raven sky are abundant and bright. The light from the nearby shack goes on and wish it would blow. I like the dark, it’s peaceful. I turn my eyes once again to the stars. My mind and body are weak from the strain I have undergone, I sway and gasp for air. I fall on my knees and put my hands to my throat-a reflex, my chest is tight and my eyes sting. The wind blows and whistles, it feels like it comes directly from both poles. I cannot fight back anymore and a tear burns down my cheek. I wipe it away with rage and get back on my feet. I take a deep breath and yell to the four winds: “I am Aurora, I am fearless, I am unbreakable, I am a mighty warrior that prowls this world, I am not ashamed of who I am, and you cannot defeat me!” And I know that not one living soul has failed to hear my cry. My judges and enemies waver, they know I am not weak, they know I will fight to the death. My appearance shifts, i am no longer human, but a cat like beast. I give a mighty roar that makes them tremble. My eyes are like fresh coal and I know that no mortal soul can withstand my stare, for it reaches down to the depths of their beings and rips open their blackest secret. I will no longer be defiled, they have enraged the beast in me and I will have no mercy. So I sprint forward, going on with full speed and might, and so shall I do until my heart fails me once more.

My love no more

Oh for the grievance of mine soul

To know of our destiny so foul,

That life’s shadows play tricks and lies

And our fate in sorrow lies.

Would that our hearts fire extinguish

Lest we be forsworn when our vow we cannot keep,

And we become wedded with our anguish

For our love, in our hearts is engraved deep.

And all the blooming flowers I set mine eyes upon

Once seeing my doom, make their beauty be gone,

For the man I so love, is destined to be driven from me

Never to come near, giving his warmth to me.

His never failing lover, which slaves her soul for him

Breaking like a fool, tears making a mourning hymn,

Soaring sounds of torture and demise

Peace  coming only by looking profoundly into his eyes.

But all is lost now, it was made thus

And the universe has come between us,

Do not turn back, there is no door

And if you return, you will see that I’m no more.

“Work” And madness

So as I mentioned before I work at ACS now. We began with trainig first ofcourse. And this week it was English….I know, I already know english. IT WAS FUCKIG BORING!! But oh well, at least they pay me for it.
Next week and the one after that we take IT, where they will teach us how to use the programs and all bout problem solving for their phone cervices.
We started out as 8 in my group, me being the only female. But on the second day a guy bailed out…still the only girl…

There’s this 18 year old boy that just gives you the tender’s, he’s so innocent and gullible. Today he saw another one of the new girls and…well, you should have seen his face. He really likes her. Of course we did our part and teased him about it saying, “look, she must be in there” when such was the case.

But any way, I shall cease to bore you now.

COLORS

Today I wore yellow. The kind you see on the brightest and most perfect sunflowers.
I feel enormously thrilled, joyous, exited, and ready for anything. Life is filled with many wonders, adventures, secrets to be discovered, places to be seen, and experiences to be lived. There is so much in store for me, all so promising, and all I have to do is take it. All is so extraordinary and fantastic. I feel love on its way to meet my ready heart, taking me in blissful flight. There is no force in existence that could possibly deter me. I’m full of life and charisma, dancing along the streets of life, exhausting its resources of pleasure, and taking all that is to my liking. Perfection is the word of the day.

Today I wore turquoise. The kind you see in the paradisaical shores of soft waves.
I feel peaceful, soothingly content, and secure in the midst of the unsure. What use there is in fretting and pacing-I find not. For any and all there is hope, and I believe when they say that “every little thing is gonna be all right”. More so when the sun’s rays caress my body with their warmth, and the rain taunts my skin with chilling thrills that refresh me. I sit on the top of a hill, a tranquil river to my right, a flower field to my left, a peach tree supporting my back, and a quaint village ahead. I look up to the sky, at the merry clouds and past them, to imagine space and stars. Everything is in its rightful place.

Today I wore a dark maroon. The kind you get when you mix all the colors on your pallet.
I feel confused, lost and an idiot. I decided I know nothing, absolutely nothing. In fact, I’m surprised I still hold the capacity to write, such as I’m doing now. Nothing holds logic any longer, nothing brings wisdom to my deteriorated mind. All that I was once absolutely and irrevocably sure of, has left me. I look to the left, I look to the right…all is a mixture of visions and sounds.

Today I wore black. The kind you can only see in your darkest dreams.
I feel distraught, hopeless, terrified, paranoid, utterly depressed. There is an evil shadow that seeks to pull my heart out with tight, jagged, and poisoned ropes for inconceivable reasons. I lay in a sickening puddle of despair. It’s reeking sent nauseates me and makes my head spin. I was drunk with pride and intoxicated with delusion. Therefore I now find myself in my present predicament. Worst of all, is that there is no outstretched hand ready to aid me. All sought to abandon me in my darkest hour. Surely they will come back when they find it appealing and of good fortune to them. I hear lightning, I feel the earth’s tremors, my demise is near.

Today I wore gray. The kind you see on the walls of a half-built and abandoned house.
I feel numb, lacking of emotion, lifeless, drifting like a zombie though fog filled allies. Nothing brings feeling to my heart, nothing stimulates my wanting brain. What was it again that I was doing here? ….dunno….Where was I? Ah yes… you must forgive me, but these days It’s hard for me to carry a train of thought adequately. All is so bland, gray…it holds no greatness in it, no interest. I have failed in all my attempts to solve my destiny, and so I coast along life, floating in the sea of impossible possibilities, holding on to a piece of wood that was once the door to my home. Careless. I’m not sad, please do not misunderstand me. Just leave me here, let me in peace to carry on with my fading days.

Rivero

As I sat on the throne where time does not count nor is it recorded,
I meditated once more of our time in your heavenly hell.

The moment my gaze surpassed your façade and rested thus on your mind, soul and heart,
I began to lose all my will, strength and sanity.
As each grain of time passed me by, I fell deeper into the void of your charms.
Like thunder you pounded my soul refusing to let go,
And within the peak of your obsessive torrent of pleasure, you sought to depart from me.
Like a tree in all its glory, I was swiftly torn from the earth, and found myself on the brink of decease.

Every breath of my life I would give back to nature if she would bend time for me,
So then the deceitful time should give me a favor, only for this, only for you.
That I’d never vibrated with the sound waves from the depths of your lips,
That I had not entered a state of elation from the fragrance of your intoxicating skin,
That I’d denied your pursuit of my body as you caressed each nerve with painful ecstasy.

I now find myself barren cramping with the desolation of your absence.
I find myself crying by the lake of sorrows, and I yearn for the courage to look on the face of tomorrow.
But my love I look into your eyes, the burning coals of my soul, lost home of fire.
I do not want your return, the sickening presence of your intensity.
Bound to the thought of the future, I carry on with the expectation of deliverance.

Yet there is something within my soul that says I will carry you in the depths of my core until the dawn of my days.
There is a voice inside of me that demands justice; it demands your life by my murdering hands.
There is creeping void at the center of my flesh, devouring the life you once gave.
There will soon not be left a gram of life in this soul of mine. Even now I feel it departing from me.
Yet for the memory of all that I once was, I hold on to the last of my sanity and power.

I was once by your side; now all that remains is my shadow for your regrets.